Between B&W

Rarely do I read a magazine article word for word, sentence for sentence, opening to conclusion. I made an exception today, for an article no other than GQ’s Barack Obama’s Work In Progress. I read it end to end not because it was about Obama, but because the opening narrative struck a cord in me, a specific cord, an internal struggle that has plagued me for some time.

The article opened with Obama’s modest book reading session in Los Angeles. It was 1995, the year I arrived in America, as green as one can be. Obama had just published his first book, a memoir about his heritage. When he arrived at the Eso Won Books bookstore that night, he was greeted by a glass of water, the store owner, and an audience of 9.

9! That number changed everything for me. I paused, hesitated and unsure about my discovery. Then I read on. I had to. I had to read about Obama’s reaction to the size of the audience, after all he has had to devote a significant amount of time and effort to get over his writer’s block, to painstakingly re-evaluate and understand his heritage, and to finally produce a book of his own, a dream he has always had. Was he disappointed that only 9 showed up? Was he sad that his first book could have been more successful? Did he pity himself for the turnout? He did neither.

Instead he said to the crowd, “Why don’t we sit in a little circle?” That’s what he said. No disappointment, no sadness, no self-pity.

At this point of the reading, I thought of the photography exhibit that I have been working on, Underground Entrepreneurs. It’s the most ambitious photography project I have undertaken to produce. I have been “hunting” for street musicians on and off for the past 2 months, scouring for a location for display, and negotiating with caterers to feed the potential crowd. Through the process I have lost myself, I have lost the meaning, the reason of doing it all. I have lost my patience, my faith. I was fixated on the crowd turnout, the finances. I was fixated on the outcome, one that I have dreamed up, visualized in full, and one I could not let go.

Obama’s handle on the crowd of 9 reminded me that it should always be about doing the right thing, taking experience over outcome, focusing on the meaning of the work. The moment we know we are doing the right thing for the right reason, we have already succeeded. We have already set out to gain a great experience, and we will end up with a great outcome, one that may or may not be identifical to the one we dreamed of.

Often the best things in life are not the ones we have dreamed of and yearned for. They are the ones that we did not expect. They are the flowers you receive when least expected. They are the moments of clarity that set you free. They are the ones that remind us be thankful. They are the ones that make us humble.

There is no weakness in talking about failures, is another lesson from the article.

I agree.

Not only is there  no weakness in talking about failures, there is no weakness in failing either.

After all — fail once, we live twice.